I was prompted to write this after I read the following poem posted by a fellow VSO volunteer.
I knew her in my time in Cameroon but she has only just finished her placement.
I will never see a plant
Nor a flower
Grow
From this barren ground
Despite my tears.As I was filling-up my suitcase,
I realized how many masks you have given me -
Masks that made me smile,
Masks that hid my tears,
Masks that shielded my fears.I will leave them all behind -
All these masks
I wore
Because of you.I didn’t leave a kiss,
An embrace
Nor a note
To say goodbye.I am scared
That once you know of
My leaving
You will haunt
And hurt me once more.I am so scared
Of you.My fears are now greater
Than my affection for you.I am sorry
For leaving you this way.Bamenda, 11 January 2010
I am living now in Hanoi, Vietnam and loving it.
On Thursday night I play football with an international group of players. Afterwards we head for a small Italian restaurant for beers and a pizza and the chat invariably turns to football. Recently, talking about the upcoming World Cup someone said the word “Cameroon”.
I visibly shuddered.
Like the Filipino VSO volunteer who wrote the poem above I felt guilty about leaving but very happy to be free of Cameroon.
When I lived in Cameroon I used to think..what of all those Cameroonians who have escaped? Why aren’t they pushing for change in their Motherland from the relatively safety of North America and Europe? They seemed in the best position to safely publicise what is happening there and hopefully put pressure on world leaders.
I vowed to write a “Free Cameroon” post that would sit atop of my finished blog. In it I would criticise world leaders and countries who turned a blind eye to what is happening in Cameroon. I would add my tiny voice to the calls for change.
In the end though I did what everyone does. I didn’t just leave. I ran and I didn’t look back.
In the six months since I left, I have settled in Hanoi, met someone, got engaged, and we are to be married in October. Life, despite the usual day to day pressures of simply earning a living, is very very good.
However, I feel like I have failed Cameroon since I left – just as I felt I failed to make any impact while I was there.
Such wonderful people in such a sad country.
In the end what I love most about Vietnam is the optimism. What I found hardest about Cameroon was that there seemed to be neither hope nor ambition beyond simply leaving.
Unfortunately all the volunteers and all the NGOs can’t turn that around.

